Feeling Stuck?
Hello everyone!
I was inspired to write this post because I'm going through a moment in my life where it feels like all my plans didn't go the way I wanted them to and now I'm trying to make the puzzle pieces fit. As a person of faith, I know that God laughs when we make plans because He's the one who makes our plans before we were even thought of. Nearly six years ago, I had my heart set on going to fashion school to pursue a dream I was confident I could make a career out of, received two degrees, and met many amazing people who are a part of my life story. I had the best and worst time of my life in college because I had a great experience, with lots of work making me cry every once in a while. As of now, I graduated six months early and ended up moving back home for a little while trying to get back on my feet.
In the midst of going home for Christmas after having finished my exams, I was very much relieved. I spent three years straight in school and it felt good to go home without having to worry about going back so soon. I saw myself going home for six weeks with a job offer waiting for me towards the end of January, but that didn't happen. When January hit, I felt like I was hitting dead ends because I couldn't seem to find something right away. Then all these family issues came out of nowhere once New Year hit. It wasn't until I later felt I missed out on something and had a realization that I may or may not be called to pursue fashion in the same way I wanted to five years ago.
At first, I felt ashamed that I had to move back in with my family. I felt like I was a failure because I didn’t have all the things I was “supposed to have” once you graduate college. Now I realize I'm simply in a transitory phase where I'm finally being able to breathe after three fast-paced years. I want to speak to those who felt how I did at the beginning of the post-grad phase. I took the opportunity to find a part-time job working at a high-end menswear store and it turns out, I loved the job! The pay was not what I expected, but I had a job making money in the meantime and that's what mattered. Often times, this isn't what many people want to do after having obtained an expensive education. I felt stuck in the beginning because this wasn't what I wanted to do and it wasn't how I planned my life to be. However, I will tell you this. You're only stuck if you let yourself get stuck. Here are a few thinking points to help you make the most of your time during a phase of immobility.
1. Remind yourself "It's only temporary”
I'm constantly saying this to myself all the time. It's a mantra motivating me to keep pushing through. I didn't expect myself to be working retail right after college, but it's only temporary. There's an inspirational quote that stuck with me from a few years ago, "Pain is temporary, but quitting is forever". So don't let your current situation dictate what your future will look like.
2. Surround yourself with supportive people
When I moved back home, my parents were my biggest supporters especially during my moments of discouragement. At this time, you're going to need people in your corner pushing you to do what you need to do to get where you want to go. I may not like everything they have to say, but I know what they're saying is out of love because they care.I probably would be still sitting on the couch crying "woe is me" if they hadn't motivated me to get up and do something productive, leading me to my next point. Most of all, you want to be around people are going to stimulate you to keep generating ideas and finding way to make them happen. You want to be around people who are going to say “that’s a great idea, what’s your plan?” instead of people who are more likely to shut you down all the time.
3. Make the most of your time during this phase
While living at home, I realized I have so much free time to do what I want to do! I've spent time at the library reading intellectually stirring books, learn three new languages, or even spend time with friends and family I haven't seen in a long time. I believe you should take advantage of the downtime you have because when your breakthrough comes, you'll want to be fully prepared for it. I think it's worth considering the possibility of taking a few online certification courses to add to your resume and broaden your abilities.
4. Expand your network base
For me, it's been beneficial to catch up with people I haven't seen in so long. I've been able to have lunch with a few friends of mine and see how everyone is doing. It's a good idea to grow your network base. There’s LinkedIn, Shapr, or any form of professional social networking forum to expand your connections because you never know who you're going to meet and what you could possibly do for each other. Also, get out of the house every once in a while, maybe even attend local events so you're able to meet new people and be social. You don’t want to spend too much time by yourself (trust me, it can be a dark place to stay in your mind too long) and you can't really go wrong with making new connections.
5. Take time to think about what's important to you
One of my good friends at my church in California told me about how we're asked "what" we want to be when we grow up, but never "who" we want to be. In some ways, I'm glad I didn't get a job straight out of college because it would have been crazy! I've spent three years in college hardly ever seeing my family, but jumping into full-time work straight out of college wouldn't have given me that time to slow down and figure out what I really wanted in life. I love languages and I love people, but I wanted to do something that would allow me to build a life around that. I had this feeling that fashion may not be something God was pulling me to do full time, but use my education to help me evolve into who He wanted me to be. He wanted me to do something meaningful. Do you know how many people get jobs straight out of college believing it's something they really want, but later on become consistently unhappy? It happens more often than you think.
I thought I would be disappointing my parents if I found an interest outside of what I went to school for considering how much of an investment it was, but I wanted to do something more. I remember reading Michelle Obama's book about how she went to school to become a lawyer and when she got a high paying job doing just that, she realized she didn't really like it at all, and then found herself doing work for the community. It's okay to have doubts about what you want to do because you're allowed to be interested in more than one thing. I think society has conditioned us to the notion that we choose one path and follow that path for the rest of your life until you retire. That's a lie! You can do whatever you want because it's your life. I always hate when I talk about something I wish would change and she’d always respond with “well that’s life” as if I can’t do anything about and excepting that as fate. You don’t have to accept anything, if you want something to change…what’s your plan? I recommend you think about what's important to you and come up with ideas around what you want to do with that.
6. Get rid of the notion everything is supposed to go according to your plans
I fell into this trap while finishing up my second degree. I fell into a brief phase of depression because my plans weren't working out accordingly. Life is a tricky thing because God laughs when we make plans. It's nice to have goals to strive for, but making life plans is not a good idea because sometimes this can set us up for disappointment when life happens. Life is unpredictable. I'm not saying you need to go with the flow and let life happen to you, but have goals to strive for, yet don't beat yourself up when things don’t happen they way you want. If you don’t meet your goals, assess, reevaluate, and set new ones to take action on.
7. List your ambitions and life goals then strategize as to how you want to achieve them
I haven't shared this fact with many people, but I have a list of things I want to do before I die. These are NOT plans, but simply a bucket list of achievements I want to make and I think you should do the same. It's a good idea to make a list of achievements to strive for and keep that list somewhere you can see it as a regular reminder. The next step is coming up with a strategy to make your list a reality. Ask yourself these questions:
What do I have to do to get where I want to be?
If I knew exactly how many days I had on this planet, what do I want to do before I go and how am I going to do it?
What kind of legacy do I want to leave behind?
It always helps to visually see what you're working towards as daily motivation. It doesn't have to be a list; it can even be a vision board of what you want to do with your life. It's up to you.
It can feel discouraging to be in a phase of immobility, but I hope these seven pieces of advice can help you maximize your time to do something you probably wouldn't have time for while working that full-time job. Think about how you can create a meaningful and joyful life for yourself first. Make sure to surround yourself with encouraging people who are going to support you in any way they can to help you succeed. It won't last forever. I promise you that. All that matters is how you choose to fill the time you've been given.
